i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A+ Viking dick
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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