he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All the doctor said was why
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
