Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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