I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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