he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
