I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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