that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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