She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
