so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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