He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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