Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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