I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
