She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
