aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
