i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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