My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
