I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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