Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
