I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
