i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize