my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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