Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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