He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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