just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
