Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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