i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize