HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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