dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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