i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize