hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Randomize