i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
