yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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