Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
