i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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