Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
