I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
