vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
