Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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