Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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