that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
