Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
