one might say we're banned from that church
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
