weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
