do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
