I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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