but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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