would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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