jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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