dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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