Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
