ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
