matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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