I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
