Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
