The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
