I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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