Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
