im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
