My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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