Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
