my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
