I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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