when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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