whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
