Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
