they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
