I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
