She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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