Plan B is the new Plan A
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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