you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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