i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
